I get in my own way all the time too. And slowly, I’ve stopped treating that as a flaw. It just is. Part of life showing up with all its mess and mystery.
My life has never followed a neat script—too many interruptions, too many uncontrollables. These days, when I feel thrown off course, I try to meet that inner disruption like an unexpected guest at the door. I make some tea. I ask what it needs. Sometimes it's just tired. Sometimes it wants to be heard. And strangely, when I stop resisting and start listening, the pain doesn’t vanish—but it softens. It becomes bearable. Sometimes even meaningful.
Uncertainty feels like the only true constant now. And in that, I’ve found a strange kind of steadiness. Not control, care. Not knowing, presence.
Your words brought me right back to that—thank you.
this. all of this. life. me in my own way, and other folks seeming to be in my way.
looking for the glimmers. the heart shaped bubbles of care that many of us are making. and experiencing.
and being in the unknowing. don’t know what’s next, for me or for the world. do know change is always happening. the pathless path — because i haven’t gone to this new place before so how would i know a path?
Mesa, who doesn’t get in there own way? And I also continue to reflect on the idea that it is not only us. I wrote a Note the other day saying that the new source of control is not fear (not only anyway), but confusion. The entire world (or almost) is in a fog. This global confusion. The state of everything everywhere, the smartphones, other technologies that claim to do good, but that I believe, do more bad. For Nature, for our natural state as humans. When we feel lost, sad, confused about meaning and purpose, when we feel less creative and our minds are unable to think straight, when we feel off balance... is it all us? Or could it be (also) something more powerful, something that we cannot control or take responsibility for, not even with our best effort. Because as much as we put in the effort to wake up and rebegin every day, get our thoughts in alignment with our heart, there is something invisible (at times very visible) that we cannot verify, but we know is there... and it is not within us. So connect with something real today, something that makes you feel whole and alive, something that you can personally verify because it feels meaningful. I believe that this is all we can do. Connect with real people, real emotions, nature and all that is alive. As much as we can. And have faith that this will be enough to recharge us. These interactions, your words, although I do not know you, make me feel connected, even though it is through this dead object in my two hands. And even though I would prefer to be able to look into your eyes and wrap my arms around you right now (how wonderful this would be for both you and me!), I will bring the love I am feeling for these thoughts, emotions, this mix of lacking and abundance, this real sense of love, connection, and appreciation with me today. Hope you will do the same. I compliment you for expressing yourself, for sharing this very common sense of doubt and frustration, and your allowance. When we cannot do better, we can always allow. Give ourselves time to return to integral. Actually this is perhaps the most important thing that we can do. Love to you ❤️
I so very much wish we could be hanging out together and having a conversation and a cup of coffee and hug,Danni. I’m so glad you feel connected here, because I do too, even if it’s through the dead thing in our hands. That honestly doesn’t feel dead sometimes when I know it’s listening and I didn’t ask it too! 👀
I’m so very much with you in finding all the alive things. I miss my daily walks for this reason but also I miss feeling the wind, watching the sidewalk flowers push through the rocks meant to keep them away, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, and the trees that offer up shaded bits along the way. After my car accident I haven’t been able to get out there, but I’m hoping next week I can begin again with baby steps.
Anyway, all of that to say that I hear you, I see you, and I’m so very much with you.
Mesa, must have missed the car accident. So sorry to hear. When you are forced to stay still it is difficult, but as we know the challenge always serves if we want it to. Maybe this feeling you are feeling came from this obstacle and maybe you needed it? I am saying this to myself as well. It is gorgeous out and I am in bed for the past 3 days elevating and icing a swollen knee. As soon as it happened, the word ACCEPTANCE appeared. I thought, okay, I can think of how to develop my substack, I can get back to working on my book, I can continue creating yoga lessons and my new Yoga program. I haven’t done anything except breathe, think, and sleep. MORE ACCEPTANCE. And the question: what am I learning from this?
I am glad that you are doing well and will be outside soon. Leaving you with a quote from @Sage Justice 's book, Freedom. '“There are ‘happy’ accidents on life if we choose to see them that way.” 🩷😘🧡
I loved this, Mesa. I felt crippled this week because I wrote something that really resonated with people, and then I thought, "what if everything i write from now on is total shit??" And this whole thing calmed me right down. You made beautiful observations in spite of *gestures broadly* all of it, and that's all we're doing here and it is also everything ❤️.
oh my gosh from the getting in my own way to the heart bubbles around parents and children and then CAR DRIVERS...this landed upon my prickly heart with the warmth of a fuzzy blanket that I really needed today. Nothing is Free except Love. Xx
Nothing transcends time or space BUT Love.
I love you through each chapter (or lack thereof!)
Yes. Keep doing this. And always remember, life is in flux. You are in flux. That's the nature of everything. You'll come out of this stronger and more open than before. I know this about you. xo
Mesa,
I get in my own way all the time too. And slowly, I’ve stopped treating that as a flaw. It just is. Part of life showing up with all its mess and mystery.
My life has never followed a neat script—too many interruptions, too many uncontrollables. These days, when I feel thrown off course, I try to meet that inner disruption like an unexpected guest at the door. I make some tea. I ask what it needs. Sometimes it's just tired. Sometimes it wants to be heard. And strangely, when I stop resisting and start listening, the pain doesn’t vanish—but it softens. It becomes bearable. Sometimes even meaningful.
Uncertainty feels like the only true constant now. And in that, I’ve found a strange kind of steadiness. Not control, care. Not knowing, presence.
Your words brought me right back to that—thank you.
Thinking of you my friend
Jxoxo
"Not control, care. Not knowing, presence."
I love this so much. I'm putting it on a sticky note and sticking it everywhere!!
Thank you. You brought me right back too.
Big love to you, J!!
Xoxo
You just made me smile big time. So glad what I wrote resonated with you. xoxo
this. all of this. life. me in my own way, and other folks seeming to be in my way.
looking for the glimmers. the heart shaped bubbles of care that many of us are making. and experiencing.
and being in the unknowing. don’t know what’s next, for me or for the world. do know change is always happening. the pathless path — because i haven’t gone to this new place before so how would i know a path?
wow- your post moved me. moves me.
thank you. always. and again and again.
Looking for the glimmers! YES!! Seeing with heart eyes, instead of always the mind's eye.
Thanks so much for being here, Sarah! Xoxo
xoxoxo
your presence is more than a glimmer — it is full on bright shining.
Ah yes. Maybe if we get in our own way together it changes and becomes, like, a group hike. 😁❤️
Yessssss!!! A group hike actually sounds pretty perfect right about now 🩵🙃🫠
Mesa, who doesn’t get in there own way? And I also continue to reflect on the idea that it is not only us. I wrote a Note the other day saying that the new source of control is not fear (not only anyway), but confusion. The entire world (or almost) is in a fog. This global confusion. The state of everything everywhere, the smartphones, other technologies that claim to do good, but that I believe, do more bad. For Nature, for our natural state as humans. When we feel lost, sad, confused about meaning and purpose, when we feel less creative and our minds are unable to think straight, when we feel off balance... is it all us? Or could it be (also) something more powerful, something that we cannot control or take responsibility for, not even with our best effort. Because as much as we put in the effort to wake up and rebegin every day, get our thoughts in alignment with our heart, there is something invisible (at times very visible) that we cannot verify, but we know is there... and it is not within us. So connect with something real today, something that makes you feel whole and alive, something that you can personally verify because it feels meaningful. I believe that this is all we can do. Connect with real people, real emotions, nature and all that is alive. As much as we can. And have faith that this will be enough to recharge us. These interactions, your words, although I do not know you, make me feel connected, even though it is through this dead object in my two hands. And even though I would prefer to be able to look into your eyes and wrap my arms around you right now (how wonderful this would be for both you and me!), I will bring the love I am feeling for these thoughts, emotions, this mix of lacking and abundance, this real sense of love, connection, and appreciation with me today. Hope you will do the same. I compliment you for expressing yourself, for sharing this very common sense of doubt and frustration, and your allowance. When we cannot do better, we can always allow. Give ourselves time to return to integral. Actually this is perhaps the most important thing that we can do. Love to you ❤️
I so very much wish we could be hanging out together and having a conversation and a cup of coffee and hug,Danni. I’m so glad you feel connected here, because I do too, even if it’s through the dead thing in our hands. That honestly doesn’t feel dead sometimes when I know it’s listening and I didn’t ask it too! 👀
I’m so very much with you in finding all the alive things. I miss my daily walks for this reason but also I miss feeling the wind, watching the sidewalk flowers push through the rocks meant to keep them away, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, and the trees that offer up shaded bits along the way. After my car accident I haven’t been able to get out there, but I’m hoping next week I can begin again with baby steps.
Anyway, all of that to say that I hear you, I see you, and I’m so very much with you.
So much love to you. 🩵 🫂 Xoxo
Mesa, must have missed the car accident. So sorry to hear. When you are forced to stay still it is difficult, but as we know the challenge always serves if we want it to. Maybe this feeling you are feeling came from this obstacle and maybe you needed it? I am saying this to myself as well. It is gorgeous out and I am in bed for the past 3 days elevating and icing a swollen knee. As soon as it happened, the word ACCEPTANCE appeared. I thought, okay, I can think of how to develop my substack, I can get back to working on my book, I can continue creating yoga lessons and my new Yoga program. I haven’t done anything except breathe, think, and sleep. MORE ACCEPTANCE. And the question: what am I learning from this?
I am glad that you are doing well and will be outside soon. Leaving you with a quote from @Sage Justice 's book, Freedom. '“There are ‘happy’ accidents on life if we choose to see them that way.” 🩷😘🧡
Happy accidents - serendipity! Acceptance and allowance keep finding their way to me. Like a constant thrum. Thank you for reminding me to listen.
I hope the swelling subsides and you get to go outside soon too! 🩵
Correcting the first their in my message. I still haven't understood if we can edit our comments. 😅😘
I loved this, Mesa. I felt crippled this week because I wrote something that really resonated with people, and then I thought, "what if everything i write from now on is total shit??" And this whole thing calmed me right down. You made beautiful observations in spite of *gestures broadly* all of it, and that's all we're doing here and it is also everything ❤️.
Thank you, friend. It is everything. I forget all the time too, how simple it is to just look around and see. 🩵
Also- I don’t believe you could ever right anything that would be considered shit 💩 😍😍
Xoxo
Well, I’m at least happy to know that you believe in me, shit or otherwise. Right back atcha, my friend. 💩😂
oh my gosh from the getting in my own way to the heart bubbles around parents and children and then CAR DRIVERS...this landed upon my prickly heart with the warmth of a fuzzy blanket that I really needed today. Nothing is Free except Love. Xx
Nothing transcends time or space BUT Love.
I love you through each chapter (or lack thereof!)
I love you!!!! Double heart bubble wrapping for you 🩵🩵🩵🩵
What does it mean to be human? Maybe it’s knowing you can’t shield them—& still trying anyway. Beautiful writing, Mesa.
Thank you, Kim 🩵
Yes. Keep doing this. And always remember, life is in flux. You are in flux. That's the nature of everything. You'll come out of this stronger and more open than before. I know this about you. xo
Thank you, friend. I trust you. And I will keep on keepin on. Xoxo
Love you, Mesa. xo
Love you!! 😍