"Write the thing you're most afraid of"
"Write the thing you're most afraid of"
"The scariest moment is always just before you start."- Stephen King from On Writing
The first time I wrote about the thing I was terrified to share I doubted every word. I second guessed myself on every paragraph. The little snarky voice in my head said who do you think you are to put that out into the world? And the anxious mouse in my head kept trying to convince me I might die if I let those words fall out.
I still don't have an answer for the snarky voice, I just tend to roll my eyes at it now. And my anxious mouse, well I’m still here, alive and kinda well. I keep going. My solid mantra and the thing that keeps me alive.
The thing is when I sit down to write I am cognizant of the impact of words. I try to think about what it is I need to say to myself and that’s what I put down. My words are just as much for me as they are for you. Breadcrumbs back to myself.
I like to write about writing i’ve found. I don't know when this happened. I am enamored with the creative process, it's truly fascinating to me. Digging into our minds and pulling out the pieces of our hearts. So many of us spill our guts and write the things we're afraid of. And at the heart of it all is the core of why I write- connection.
So, what am I afraid of?
I’ve been hesitant to write about my children. When I sit down to write my memoir I find myself writing around them, not including them. I am afraid. They are not little, my daughter will be 25 next week and my son will be 18 in December. I'm afraid of how they'll react to my words. I don't know why and that’s something i’ll have to explore further down the road. But it leads me to think about the crux of all of this and taking my own advice.
Technically I heard the advice from someone else, I found it in meme form years ago, someone had memed Nayyirah Waheed. Her words are stuck in my brain. Along with-
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” -Hemingway.
He’s not wrong. It's dated to be sure, I don't know anyone who uses a typewriter anymore, but the sentiment is true.
Writing through the fear is brave. Sharing it is even braver. At least I tend to think so.
What do you think dear reader friends? I'm curious.
Moving through the fear
I just finished a twelve week writing intensive - the Visceral Self over on
. I unlocked pieces of myself i’d been holding back. She taught me how to explore the way things feel inside my body as I write. I tend to not pay attention to anything except for what’s swirling around in my head. I am now more connected to the other parts of me because of her. And in turn I'm now more connected to my writing.So as I write this I can feel the heaviness of the device in my hand, much like how words feel when they’re stuck, weighing me down. I feel the way I lean into the page because this all feels important to me to get out. I’ve been sitting in one position for a while now and I can feel my legs are stiffening. I’ll move slowly once I'm done.
Why am I sharing all of this with you and me? Because it’s worth it. To think about not just the what but the why and how and the doing of it. I suppose writing doesn't always have to be scary, I just know that for me the best things that come out of me are when i’ve been afraid and done it anyway.
I have to give myself permission to move through the fear.
There's an aha moment for you. My brain just lit up at that, I sat up and leaned back at that. I feel settled at that statement.
This is where i’ll leave it for now.
Dear reader friends, what do you think about what i’ve shared? Do you write the things you're afraid of? Please feel free to share with me!
Thank you for being here and supporting my work! I love the community being built here and hope you do too. I appreciate everyone who has upgraded their subscriptions to paid! It means so much to me that you believe in my work enough to pay me to do this thing I love so much. I know times are tough so no worries if you can't upgrade, I appreciate you being here just as much.
And remember, always no matter what- Keep going.
Yes! FEAR is a most amazing humanized emotion. Most creatures existing here on Earth with us humans also exhibit the pains and joys of fear, just like us. Politicians even use it to manipulate us into believing in them and their otherwise untenable ideas. Fear keeps us from going down paths that may be too risky or too hurtful. Sometimes, fear can even inspire us to do the unthinkable or even impossible. The effects and consequences of our reaction to fear probably controls too much of how we all handle the world outside of ourselves, outside our ability to evoke a useful response. But when you truly think about it. FDR was so right years ago when he proclaimed about America’s Day of Infamy that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. AKA, the greatest fear is how we chose to respond to something that just happened to us. Whether that chosen response is appropriate, effective, or otherwise suitable to the circumstance at hand. I like to write because one way I fight fear is to hear how others respond to things. To see if they will respond in a similar or equivalent way. To help determine if my response to fearful things is justified and whether my response to fear is justifiable. I believe it is the ultimate goal of every writer to open the minds of the reader to new ideas, even new or never before conceived ideals. Those thoughts that they may not ever have conceived of before. Whether good or bad thoughts, the thoughts that can force changes in the status quo we mostly aspire to in our lives that need to be shaken and stirred from time to time to keep us from falling into the trap that is conformity to the ancient, outdated ideals in life. Defeating our fears, to me, is the greatest of life’s many challenges. It is much better to face those fears head on. Rather than to ignore them until which time they can no longer be avoided.
There's so much I want to write but I can't because of family. I have a teen. I'm worried I've been too vulnerable in my posts. My husband sometimes comments on my posts
What I want to write about most, I can't. It was what put me through hell last year, but I can't. I'm sure it would be relatable but I can't. It eats me up.