Your fear is very natural. Ultimately, you are the only one who can make that call to share your family stories…or not. I left out some of my family ugliness in my memoir, because I did not wish to be further alienated from them than I already am. I wrote under a pen name and changed some of the names in my story…mostly to protect myself. I just wanted to share my story, in the hopes that it might help someone else who feels helpless and hopeless, to connect with others, and to give my story breath and life in the world.
Yes! FEAR is a most amazing humanized emotion. Most creatures existing here on Earth with us humans also exhibit the pains and joys of fear, just like us. Politicians even use it to manipulate us into believing in them and their otherwise untenable ideas. Fear keeps us from going down paths that may be too risky or too hurtful. Sometimes, fear can even inspire us to do the unthinkable or even impossible. The effects and consequences of our reaction to fear probably controls too much of how we all handle the world outside of ourselves, outside our ability to evoke a useful response. But when you truly think about it. FDR was so right years ago when he proclaimed about America’s Day of Infamy that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. AKA, the greatest fear is how we chose to respond to something that just happened to us. Whether that chosen response is appropriate, effective, or otherwise suitable to the circumstance at hand. I like to write because one way I fight fear is to hear how others respond to things. To see if they will respond in a similar or equivalent way. To help determine if my response to fearful things is justified and whether my response to fear is justifiable. I believe it is the ultimate goal of every writer to open the minds of the reader to new ideas, even new or never before conceived ideals. Those thoughts that they may not ever have conceived of before. Whether good or bad thoughts, the thoughts that can force changes in the status quo we mostly aspire to in our lives that need to be shaken and stirred from time to time to keep us from falling into the trap that is conformity to the ancient, outdated ideals in life. Defeating our fears, to me, is the greatest of life’s many challenges. It is much better to face those fears head on. Rather than to ignore them until which time they can no longer be avoided.
Kenneth!!! I love this response so much!! It reminds me so much of the documentary I produced about the psychology of fear. We touched on so much of what you just described, how fear can be weaponized by different powers.. such politicians. And the media. Thank you for your brilliant insight!!! I appreciate you sharing so much!!
Thank you. We do seem to think very much alike. It must be the reason we see eye to eye a lot. Keep doing what you do. You inspire me to think more productively just as hopefully I help you to do the same.
There's so much I want to write but I can't because of family. I have a teen. I'm worried I've been too vulnerable in my posts. My husband sometimes comments on my posts
What I want to write about most, I can't. It was what put me through hell last year, but I can't. I'm sure it would be relatable but I can't. It eats me up.
Trying to make sense of the world by discussing it with others to get some new thoughts and ideas for you to contemplate is my purpose for writing. I learned two things a long time ago as a flight instructor. (1) IF you understand something well enough to teach the concept to someone else, then you are on the right track to understanding it better. (2) Observing how others interpret something can give you clues that lead to your achieving a better understanding too.
Discussing with others is my way testing the waters of my understanding. While it may be easier to explain something to yourself, your understanding may not be universal enough to converse it with others, ie., you may have a flawed understanding based solely on your life experience. Testing your understanding by sharing it with others is both the best way to learn, and a great way to perceive new thinking on an idea. That saying, “you can learn a lot from a dummy” is so true, in my opinion. The hardest thing is learning to listen and contemplate the ideas and thoughts of others enough to humble yourself and accept the reality that you may not know it all.
I feel the same way, as there are some poems I’d like to write that are very personal to me as I had those ideas for a while, but never started due to being afraid and how those things were prevalent in my journey.
I am pitching a piece that started with that very prompt- what are you afraid of?. (Short answer/spoiler: It's White Christian Nationalists) It is very much like I bled all over the page. Thank you for showing up on the page and for making me want to show up too. Even if it gets bloody.
And Nayyirah Waheed penned one of the most profound poems that stays etched into my heart at all times:
My mother was my first country. The first place I ever lived.
Speaking of mothers, I stay away from writing about my parents. They both have love for me, but not for each other. It scares me that they both read my newsletter because it can feel like they race to “mark their territory” in a sense by being first to comment or support.
I probably sound like a spoilt brat complaining about my parents reading and supporting my work… but due to our family dynamics- it can be difficult to balance my appreciation for each of them in this space.
I need to read more from her!! Thank you for sharing about her work with me!! I can only imagine what that family dynamic must be like, but how amazing that they support you and want you to know how loved you are.. even if it feels like a pissing match 🤣
I'm so glad you enjoyed this one today!! Big love to you K!!
Yeah, I initially worried what my parents would think as I wrote about my relationship with them, but it worked out in the end, even brought us closer. I know I'm lucky in that sense.
Writing what I fear comes more easily to me in my 40s than earlier in my life, but I still stumble over the sharing part. I’m also learning to pay closer attention to my body when I write, so I wonder what I’ll discover if I do. Thanks for giving me an “assignment” that feels so needed and ripe with potential! ❤️
I was 37 when I finally shared the thing I was afraid of. I’m 45 now and it definitely feels easier and honestly more rewarding! I can't wait to see what comes from this for you!! ❤️❤️
And I will give you permission, too, my friend!
Keep writing!
Keep being one percent more brave than afraid.
Thank you Thomas!! I appreciate you so very much! 🫶🏻
Your fear is very natural. Ultimately, you are the only one who can make that call to share your family stories…or not. I left out some of my family ugliness in my memoir, because I did not wish to be further alienated from them than I already am. I wrote under a pen name and changed some of the names in my story…mostly to protect myself. I just wanted to share my story, in the hopes that it might help someone else who feels helpless and hopeless, to connect with others, and to give my story breath and life in the world.
Thanks Angie!
Yes! FEAR is a most amazing humanized emotion. Most creatures existing here on Earth with us humans also exhibit the pains and joys of fear, just like us. Politicians even use it to manipulate us into believing in them and their otherwise untenable ideas. Fear keeps us from going down paths that may be too risky or too hurtful. Sometimes, fear can even inspire us to do the unthinkable or even impossible. The effects and consequences of our reaction to fear probably controls too much of how we all handle the world outside of ourselves, outside our ability to evoke a useful response. But when you truly think about it. FDR was so right years ago when he proclaimed about America’s Day of Infamy that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. AKA, the greatest fear is how we chose to respond to something that just happened to us. Whether that chosen response is appropriate, effective, or otherwise suitable to the circumstance at hand. I like to write because one way I fight fear is to hear how others respond to things. To see if they will respond in a similar or equivalent way. To help determine if my response to fearful things is justified and whether my response to fear is justifiable. I believe it is the ultimate goal of every writer to open the minds of the reader to new ideas, even new or never before conceived ideals. Those thoughts that they may not ever have conceived of before. Whether good or bad thoughts, the thoughts that can force changes in the status quo we mostly aspire to in our lives that need to be shaken and stirred from time to time to keep us from falling into the trap that is conformity to the ancient, outdated ideals in life. Defeating our fears, to me, is the greatest of life’s many challenges. It is much better to face those fears head on. Rather than to ignore them until which time they can no longer be avoided.
I truly like this response to Mesa, whose writing inspires me. Identifying fear this way is also inspiring to me. Glad I could read it.
Kenneth!!! I love this response so much!! It reminds me so much of the documentary I produced about the psychology of fear. We touched on so much of what you just described, how fear can be weaponized by different powers.. such politicians. And the media. Thank you for your brilliant insight!!! I appreciate you sharing so much!!
Thank you. We do seem to think very much alike. It must be the reason we see eye to eye a lot. Keep doing what you do. You inspire me to think more productively just as hopefully I help you to do the same.
There's so much I want to write but I can't because of family. I have a teen. I'm worried I've been too vulnerable in my posts. My husband sometimes comments on my posts
What I want to write about most, I can't. It was what put me through hell last year, but I can't. I'm sure it would be relatable but I can't. It eats me up.
Trying to make sense of the world by discussing it with others to get some new thoughts and ideas for you to contemplate is my purpose for writing. I learned two things a long time ago as a flight instructor. (1) IF you understand something well enough to teach the concept to someone else, then you are on the right track to understanding it better. (2) Observing how others interpret something can give you clues that lead to your achieving a better understanding too.
Discussing with others is my way testing the waters of my understanding. While it may be easier to explain something to yourself, your understanding may not be universal enough to converse it with others, ie., you may have a flawed understanding based solely on your life experience. Testing your understanding by sharing it with others is both the best way to learn, and a great way to perceive new thinking on an idea. That saying, “you can learn a lot from a dummy” is so true, in my opinion. The hardest thing is learning to listen and contemplate the ideas and thoughts of others enough to humble yourself and accept the reality that you may not know it all.
I'm so sorry. That's got to be so incredibly hard.
It was a catalyst for change and I grew from it
I feel the same way, as there are some poems I’d like to write that are very personal to me as I had those ideas for a while, but never started due to being afraid and how those things were prevalent in my journey.
I am pitching a piece that started with that very prompt- what are you afraid of?. (Short answer/spoiler: It's White Christian Nationalists) It is very much like I bled all over the page. Thank you for showing up on the page and for making me want to show up too. Even if it gets bloody.
Ooooo that pitch gave me goosebumps!! Happy to be on the bloody page with you friend. Cheers to bandaging each other up ❤️❤️❤️
I just submitted it!!
YAYYYY!!!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻😍😍😍😍
I love everything about this one, Mesa!!
And Nayyirah Waheed penned one of the most profound poems that stays etched into my heart at all times:
My mother was my first country. The first place I ever lived.
Speaking of mothers, I stay away from writing about my parents. They both have love for me, but not for each other. It scares me that they both read my newsletter because it can feel like they race to “mark their territory” in a sense by being first to comment or support.
I probably sound like a spoilt brat complaining about my parents reading and supporting my work… but due to our family dynamics- it can be difficult to balance my appreciation for each of them in this space.
PEOPLE-PLEASING I TELL YA 😅
I need to read more from her!! Thank you for sharing about her work with me!! I can only imagine what that family dynamic must be like, but how amazing that they support you and want you to know how loved you are.. even if it feels like a pissing match 🤣
I'm so glad you enjoyed this one today!! Big love to you K!!
Big love right back!!
You inspired me to go find Waheeds book on my shelf from 2013.
It’s called Salt.
Her dedication page screams Lovelet:
“It was only and ever love.”
❤️ ❤️
I shall spend the day with that mantra, thanks to your beautiful words here!
Xx
Wow!! That's it exactly.. it was only and ever love ❤️
I’ve written mosaic, short form memoir. You’ve inspired me, dear heart friend to write more. Thank you, brave word weaver!
I'm so glad!! That makes me so happy to hear!! Xoxo 😍😍😍
Xoxo 😍😍😍😍
Yeah, I initially worried what my parents would think as I wrote about my relationship with them, but it worked out in the end, even brought us closer. I know I'm lucky in that sense.
Me too, Bonnie. I hope to one day report back that writing my truths has brought me closer to each of my parents as well. 🤍
That’s amazing Bonnie!! I wish I could share my writing with my mom, I always wonder if she’d like it. I’d like to think she would. ❤️❤️
Writing what I fear comes more easily to me in my 40s than earlier in my life, but I still stumble over the sharing part. I’m also learning to pay closer attention to my body when I write, so I wonder what I’ll discover if I do. Thanks for giving me an “assignment” that feels so needed and ripe with potential! ❤️
I was 37 when I finally shared the thing I was afraid of. I’m 45 now and it definitely feels easier and honestly more rewarding! I can't wait to see what comes from this for you!! ❤️❤️
It IS more rewarding and more impactful for our readers. I look forward to seeing what comes from both of us!