Oh yesssss, tone on the internet is such a thing! It's interesting to think about how we form words when they can't be heard. I'm pretty sure I have been misinterpreted more times than I can count! Love you, and your words, however they come out.
Mesa, this is a brave and vulnerable post. Bravo! I wrote about getting it wrong as a parent here if you or anyone else wants to check it out. https://pocketfulofprose.substack.com/p/parenting-sometimes-we-do-a-bang?r=qqbxq I find a lot of comfort in talking about getting it wrong as a human - if we are so afraid to get it wrong, then we don’t live, we don’t write…I’m really sorry about what that troll said to you long ago. I hate that people can be so cruel and cruelty like that is so hard to understand. Sometimes people feel threatened when we get closer to our truth.
I have gotten it spectacularly wrong, even with you my sweet friend Mesa. I think you remember what I'm talking about, and you graciously forgave me, but damn I still feel like a jerk sometimes.
I got it very wrong with someone else online, right here on Substack. I genuinely loved this person's work, and we recommended each other. During the Olympics they reposted, and cheered for an article which I felt was quite hateful. This is the first time I'm writing about it, but it's so relevant to your post I feel I need to.
I responded to their Note with sadness and disappointment that they would not only share such a story but so vigorously agree with its hateful sentiment. They responded back with what I felt was a very weak reason for their position. I should have left it there, but I didn't.
I pointed out that members of the group being maligned so cruelly were often the victims of abuse as well, and asked if their weak argument for supporting more hate was the hill they wanted to metaphorically "die" on.
They blocked me, which I understood they needed to do to protect their own mental health. I am not proud of what I did, and in fact I do regret it. There is still a nagging part of me that isn't sorry to see our virtual relationship end. It was quite eye opening to see this side of someone I thought I knew, although in truth I knew very little about them other than what they shared about themselves.
It's confusing to feel regret about my actions while at the same time grateful for the result.
I have absolutely been there, and I think that’s the crux of it - the knowledge that it could have maybe been handled differently, but the relief for the outcome is what matters in the end.
I love you which means you never have to say you’re sorry (I love a good movie reference) ❤️🩹❤️🩹 But truthfully, you didn’t do anything wrong with me. Just want you to know that!
Subtleties of tone and personality can be missed entirely or misunderstood on the interwebs. Been there. You are magical and so are your words. Love you. 🥰
No matter the forum, no matter if it is online or offline, on the Internet or in real life, we do upset people with what we say - and get upset ourselves. But In real life, when having people physically around us, there is sometimes a chance to clarify - or make a wink or give a smile, so sarcasm is more easily understood. Offline, on the Internet, speaking to a large audience of unknown people, makes that kind of communication very challenging.
But of course, those of us who enjoy the written word - because it gives us a chance to think again, and think everything through before letting it out for others to read - we may still prefer the written form, offline, so that we are not in the need to rush with a reply that then may be completely wrong.
Yin and Jang, I suppose. We do make mistakes, no matter what we do, no matter the form of our communication, but each of us can probably find a way that makes us feel a bit more safe than the alternatives. Apart from that, we should embrace the mistakes, as they spark new thoughts. The unexpected is in general our friend.
Oh yesssss, tone on the internet is such a thing! It's interesting to think about how we form words when they can't be heard. I'm pretty sure I have been misinterpreted more times than I can count! Love you, and your words, however they come out.
Thank you friend! Love you too!! 😍😍😍
Mesa, this is a brave and vulnerable post. Bravo! I wrote about getting it wrong as a parent here if you or anyone else wants to check it out. https://pocketfulofprose.substack.com/p/parenting-sometimes-we-do-a-bang?r=qqbxq I find a lot of comfort in talking about getting it wrong as a human - if we are so afraid to get it wrong, then we don’t live, we don’t write…I’m really sorry about what that troll said to you long ago. I hate that people can be so cruel and cruelty like that is so hard to understand. Sometimes people feel threatened when we get closer to our truth.
I have gotten it spectacularly wrong, even with you my sweet friend Mesa. I think you remember what I'm talking about, and you graciously forgave me, but damn I still feel like a jerk sometimes.
I got it very wrong with someone else online, right here on Substack. I genuinely loved this person's work, and we recommended each other. During the Olympics they reposted, and cheered for an article which I felt was quite hateful. This is the first time I'm writing about it, but it's so relevant to your post I feel I need to.
I responded to their Note with sadness and disappointment that they would not only share such a story but so vigorously agree with its hateful sentiment. They responded back with what I felt was a very weak reason for their position. I should have left it there, but I didn't.
I pointed out that members of the group being maligned so cruelly were often the victims of abuse as well, and asked if their weak argument for supporting more hate was the hill they wanted to metaphorically "die" on.
They blocked me, which I understood they needed to do to protect their own mental health. I am not proud of what I did, and in fact I do regret it. There is still a nagging part of me that isn't sorry to see our virtual relationship end. It was quite eye opening to see this side of someone I thought I knew, although in truth I knew very little about them other than what they shared about themselves.
It's confusing to feel regret about my actions while at the same time grateful for the result.
I have absolutely been there, and I think that’s the crux of it - the knowledge that it could have maybe been handled differently, but the relief for the outcome is what matters in the end.
I love you which means you never have to say you’re sorry (I love a good movie reference) ❤️🩹❤️🩹 But truthfully, you didn’t do anything wrong with me. Just want you to know that!
I’m forever grateful for you!!
Subtleties of tone and personality can be missed entirely or misunderstood on the interwebs. Been there. You are magical and so are your words. Love you. 🥰
Love you ♥️♥️♥️ thank you!
You’re welcome ♥️♥️♥️
No matter the forum, no matter if it is online or offline, on the Internet or in real life, we do upset people with what we say - and get upset ourselves. But In real life, when having people physically around us, there is sometimes a chance to clarify - or make a wink or give a smile, so sarcasm is more easily understood. Offline, on the Internet, speaking to a large audience of unknown people, makes that kind of communication very challenging.
But of course, those of us who enjoy the written word - because it gives us a chance to think again, and think everything through before letting it out for others to read - we may still prefer the written form, offline, so that we are not in the need to rush with a reply that then may be completely wrong.
Yin and Jang, I suppose. We do make mistakes, no matter what we do, no matter the form of our communication, but each of us can probably find a way that makes us feel a bit more safe than the alternatives. Apart from that, we should embrace the mistakes, as they spark new thoughts. The unexpected is in general our friend.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, Jorgen!