Stay Tender

I’m trying.

I keep going inward. The rollie pollie me, curling tightly into a ball to protect my most fragile bits. Wishing for a harder shell, one much stronger than my flesh and bones. My heart already caged, I thought that’d be enough, but it turns out the bars are made of silly putty and just poor imitations anyway. Allowing for the barbs to slip right through.

I roll tighter, almost blocking out the light.

Words arrived a few days ago in a black puffy envelope. A gift.

A note “stay tender.”

Two words strong enough to rock me to my core.

How did she know? Is it possible that poets always know?

Our links to one another, word threads floating through the air and we grasp them like lifelines. Knowing exactly what to say the exact moment it needs to be said.

On the inside of “Driver Here and Devastate Me” by Megan Falley

Two words to undo the armor I desperately wanted. An invitation and an anchor. A reminder. To come back to myself.

Because armoring up isn’t my way. Going inward, yes, but armor - no. Only when I feel truly battered by life do I begin to build bricks around myself. Flimsy as they are, an illusion at best.

Stay tender.

I’m trying. I’m trying so damn hard.

Swimming against currents that aren’t even mine. The only life vest I can find are words I didn’t write.

Stay tender.

A mantra. Refrain. Oxygen.

Love speaks through us all. May we remember to listen.

I’m trying. So damn hard.

Does anyone have an easy button to lend?

What about a way out of the in?

Listen.

I stepped out onto my balcony a little while ago, a need to feel the heat and breathe the warm air. I looked up as I always do and above my favorite tree, a heart cloud greeted me.

It almost looks like it’s waving.

Over here, look at me, remember.

Remember that perfectly imperfect hearts are everywhere.

Stay tender.

Just

stay.

Hi friends - just wanted to say I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you as always for reading my words (I started to type heart - same diff I suppose). I hope you’re all hanging in there and doing the best you can. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.

Xoxo- Mesa

PS - Courtesy of Jane Ratcliffe - I was able to receive the book gift from Meg. I am forever and ever grateful, Jane. 🩵

Oh! Here’s also what arrived with megan falley ’s book (which is absolutely beautiful and full and everything you need- trust me, you do):

A little bit of Andrea 🩵 forever.

Go chase clouds and tell me what you see. 🩵