Sorry to Disappoint
I’m sure it’ll happen again.
Walk with me, friends. Let’s take a trip through time and revisit every single disappointment I’ve ever wrought onto another.
Just kidding.
If you’re like me, I’m sure there’s a trail of cold or hot bodies you’ve left behind in the land of disappointment. This is a rite of passage. To disappoint and to be disappointed. We are born this way. It’s inevitable. I’m pretty sure it should be the first commandment:
THOU SHALT DISAPPOINT! Repeatedly. Often. If you don’t, you’ve failed and you’re doing life wrong. No heaven for you.
At some point though, when you keep hearing over and over what a disappointment you are…it becomes a drag. And caring stops.
Yeah, yeah… I’m such a disappointment.
Literally how I feel now whenever I’ve disappointed someone. Including myself.
Maybe, just maybe, expectations need to come down a little bit. Maybe it’s actually okay to feel disappointment! And maybe it’s okay to not give anymore shits about disappointing anyone. Self included.
As you can see, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.
I recently told my kid I was disappointed in some behavior. Then I drew a boundary. And I received back the airing of all grievances that could possibly be unleashed. All of it chalked up to my being a failure and disappointment. Ouch. But also - okay fine. If that’s the opinion that’s held - keep it. I’m good. I don’t need to carry someone else’s opinions and disappointment about who they think I am.
I’m free and you’re free and they’re free to think and feel however and whatever and whenever about me and who(m)ever (I can never remember and I don’t feel like googling) else.
So, while I am sorry to a degree for having been the GREATEST DISAPPOINTMENT in the history of the universe, it’s a very small degree. I spent so much of my life just wanting someone else to be proud of, instead of disappointed in, me that I completely forgot about myself. I contorted myself into a thousand boxes and did not fit into a single one.
Except my own.
I fit into the me shaped box- scrapes and dents and pesky imperfections. Sometimes this box is painful. But it’s nothing compared to what I used to put myself through.
Aren’t you tired of contorting too? Aren’t you tired of the unrealistic expectations of others too?
Maybe it’s that more than anything else - the placement and the weight of unrealistic expectations.
Anyway, so I’m a little sorry to disappoint, but I assume it will probably happen again.
And at this point I’m okay with that.
I’ve made peace with it.
Here’s hoping you can too.
Tell me about disappointment friends! Please feel free to share your thoughts with me!
No worries…disappoint away. Feel free to disappoint everyone and anyone, as long as you don’t disappoint yourself. Everyone else’s expectations of you are their problem, not yours. If you commit to something, that’s a bit different. But unspoken, unagreed-to expectations are not your burden to carry. Be sure to drop those off with whomever never asked for your input 😊
My disappointments have two levels: personal and familial. On the familial level, for my grandparents, I may be a disappointment, because I'm both failing to live with my parents until I find a husband and leave my parents' nest, and want to leave them like my brother's (I'm my parents' firstborn and only daughter, and my siblings are my two younger brothers). On the personal level, I feel like a disappointment, for failing to reach my countless goals, and becoming a better version of myself. These are my inner talks, not what my parents have told me.