“So, you want to be a writer”

Own that sh*t! (From the archives)

Resharing this piece from a year ago. I was thinking about how much writing has changed me over the years, and I remembered this piece. So, I decided to reshare it with all of you. Enjoy!

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I’ll never forget the day that I embraced the word writer as something that I could actually be. I had updated my bio to say “aspiring writer” after an essay of mine had been published in The Mighty ¹. A dear writerly friend saw my bio and had read my essay and immediately messaged me saying “you ARE a writer, own that shit!”…

From that moment on I did, I haven't looked back since. Being a writer isn't an easy thing. Nearly every writer I know struggles or has struggled at some point. I lose words all the time if I don't get them down immediately. I will jump out of showers, stop conversations, force Siri to take notes for me, all in an effort to not lose the words. Because that’s what it means to be a writer. At least to me. I think we all define our writer selves differently.

When I initially wrote the below (years ago) I was in a rut. I couldn't seem to pick my WIP back up (still struggling with that) and I was thinking about how I wish there’d been things someone had told me when I declared myself a Writer. The below is what tumbled out. Maybe it's something that will you help you or maybe not. These are the things I’ve experienced over the years…

1. There’s a great chance that you will be asked almost nearly every day “when will you be done with the book/essay/poem/idea”, — the one you started years ago. And you will almost always possibly feel an awful sense of dread every time this happens. And you will shrug your shoulders, throw your hands up and say “I have no idea” and in your head you will scream “FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING WHYYYYYY!”.

2. You will also be asked to give an elevator pitch about what you’re writing to every person you come across when you casually mention you’re a writer. When you explain yourself in 10 words or less you will sometimes maybe quite possibly often see the inevitable head tilt and a “huh, interesting” as the response. And you will feel a certain type of way (I know I feel a certain way) when this happens. I usually have to hold back my “aren’t you glad you asked” face. I sometimes fail at this.

3. You will read success story after success story and you will cheer on your fellow writers. And you will feel a little bit like you might want to cry every time this happens. (I promise I’m so happy for you! These are tears of joy, don’t mind the screaming accompanied with them! Screams of envy joy! I swear.) I’m impatient, I want it now too. I want to post “I got the agent! I got the book deal!”.. and I will, it just requires me to finish what I’ve started.

*Are you sensing a trend here yet?*

4. Oh, and also- one day you will wake up and you will want to write, and instead of sitting down to do that, your brain will find every other thing in the world to focus on. You’ll yell at yourself a lot about this. And possibly maybe inevitably feel an awful sense of not doing enough when this happens.

And so, writing = feeling a sense of dread, feeling like you want to cry, feeling like you're not doing enough, and wanting to do so much more - quite often.

BUT, my writerly friends - not always. Those are only sometimes feelings, not absolute all the time feelings.

Sometimes it’s amazing when you let the words fall out and they land just where they’re supposed to - with the people who need them most. THAT is the priceless feeling that can’t be explained.

Proclaiming yourself to be a writer means being vulnerable with humanity in a way that is unlike most other things. Words leave lasting impressions and impacts. Words on a page have the ability to change lives. Responsibility of the writer is heavy. And can be extremely rewarding when you put yourself out there and are well received.

And maybe I’m kind of a little bit glad no one told me about the sometimes really hard parts, so why am I telling you now? Because being a writer is not for the faint of heart. It is not some glamourous thing that guarantees success, even if done well. It is a thing that gets into the marrow of your bones and seeps into every part of your brain, taking up 90% of the space there — literally nearly all consuming. If you’re prepared for that, then you can get over the sometimes dread/not enoughness/crying jags and hopefully probably perhaps even enjoy yourself.

Honestly, I can't imagine doing or being anything else.

So, you want to be a writer — welcome home. Own that shit!

(This originally appeared on my Medium page in 2022. I felt it might resonate with some of my fellow writers 🖤)

A Substack writer asked the question in Notes - why do you write? My answer is/was because I want to connect with others. I am adding here that I can't not write, I have to, the words won't leave me alone, and I hope they never do.

How do you feel about being a writer? Did you always know that you wanted to be? Please feel free to share with me!

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1. I submitted the piece eight years ago today! I went out on a limb for mental health awareness month in 2016 and I submitted the most powerful essay I’ve ever written about surviving suicide. It remains one of my most vulnerable pieces of writing.