Looking up with you, Mesa. And did your presents truly get impounded? I am very close to sending you a Cabbage Patch Kid in the mail right now. You're the most courageous soul that I know.
And yes, they did, I got most of them back after my grandma paid to get the car out. A few were broken in the process - a tea set, and a mirrored spinning musical heart with a glass bear on top, but everything else remained intact - ironically my favorite stuffie became a pound puppy!
In all honesty, I just remember feeling sad and upset that he was taken away along with my stuff. It was not the first time I had watched him be arrested.
This is the brave I’m after- the inner knowing, the more than, the perfectly enough. When it comes from the inside, it’s looking up at the stars in awe.
This is absolutely the missing piece in a drafted essay I have about all the ways ‘you are brave’ coming from another so often misses the mark. It can only be true when it feels true.
💜 thank you for sharing your inside so we can more deeply know our own 💜
This part - "it can only be true when it feels true"!!! That gave me goosebumps, because YES! That's it exactly. Thank you for being here, Cassidy! Xoxo
Everything I needed to know I learned from my dogs. Get up, eat breakfast, and hope for today to be the best day ever. Also, if you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.
I hear you. The way you keep going, through every twist, every loss, every moment when stopping might have seemed easier—that’s something real. Not in a performative, look-how-brave kind of way, but in the quiet persistence of choosing life when it would have been just as easy not to. That kind of choice shapes a person.
More than. I know that one. Not as an abstract idea but as a thing that sits deep in the bones. More than what happened. More than what was taken. More than the story written by other hands before we knew we could hold the pen. It doesn’t erase what came before, and it doesn’t soften the edges. It just… is. A truth to stand on.
You don’t need my words to tell you what you already know, so I’ll just say—keep writing. Not because it’s brave or necessary or any of those things people say about storytelling, but because it’s yours.
I needed this today… My “more than” is long and winding not all that different than yours and likely many others too. We are all so similar when we’re not hiding behind our masks aren’t we. It’s why I love Substack and writers like you - because of the openness and vulnerability of the writing. The quote makes me think of my penchant for talking photos looking up… looking up under trees and photographing their very tops, looking up at night sky, always preferring that perspective to looking out toward the horizon. Makes me think it’s a consequence/need because of where I’ve been and where I hope to get to and the hope supporting it all. Thank you for this beautiful heartfelt essay that’s so full of hope too. 💜
Thank you so much for being here, Susan!! I take pictures like that too!! Some of my most favorite photos are from the perspective of sitting under the trees and looking up 💚💚💚
My favorite part about this life is finding all the kindreds 💚
Mesa, awake in the middle of the night with pain - something in my side that aches right along with the heartbreak of the world. Your story feels like aa metaphor for the. Grownups making a mess of things, so careless and reckless and unknowing. And, yet, it sounds like your grandmother loved you. Isn't that also a metaphor? The old wise feminine picks up the pieces, cleans up the shit, loves with all her heart. I hope you knew this love. Thank you for being here.
I’m sorry you’re hurting, Alecia, I hope the pain subsides soon so that you may rest. I can see the metaphors, thank you for reminding me how intricately all of our stories are connected.
And yes, I did know that she loved me. Though she and I butted heads A LOT, underneath all of it, I knew 🩵
Mesa you are a hero. She-ro. Have you seen that clip about Hero’s vs Villains?
Villains POV: the world hurt me, so I’m going to hurt it back.
Hero POV: the world hurt me, and I’m going to make sure that it doesn’t happen to anyone else.
✨ that’s you ✨
You have compassion because you come with lived experience of true pain, in the deepest sense of the word. The kind that can’t be seen by the naked eye.
Well, I was not expecting to be a blubbering mess this early in the morning 😭 But here I am with all the tears. Thank you for seeing me as you do, I am so grateful for you.
Ah, thank you for writing this. I adopted two children from foster care, and they likely have some childhood experiences similar to your own. They are also two of the bravest people I know. They just keep going, somehow, some way. I loved reading this!
You are most definitely more than! My heart is deeply touched by the words you have shared about your early life, and about how you have survived attempts on your life. Thank goodness for the goodness of others that were there for you, and thank goodness for your strong, beautiful, and courageous spirit. Write on. Many will need your words and your shining spirit in the days to come.
This, Mesa, "Just to listen to the beat of your own More Than drum. Can you hear it?" And the heart wrenching details of your childhood you shared. You did the hot/cold thing so well. You are such a survivor! xoxo
Looking up with you, Mesa. And did your presents truly get impounded? I am very close to sending you a Cabbage Patch Kid in the mail right now. You're the most courageous soul that I know.
Thank you friend and fellow brave woman :)
And yes, they did, I got most of them back after my grandma paid to get the car out. A few were broken in the process - a tea set, and a mirrored spinning musical heart with a glass bear on top, but everything else remained intact - ironically my favorite stuffie became a pound puppy!
Oh my gosh, a pound puppy?!?! 😂 You can't make this stuff up! Thank goodness for your grandma, but wow, that must have been so awful and disorienting.
In all honesty, I just remember feeling sad and upset that he was taken away along with my stuff. It was not the first time I had watched him be arrested.
This is the brave I’m after- the inner knowing, the more than, the perfectly enough. When it comes from the inside, it’s looking up at the stars in awe.
This is absolutely the missing piece in a drafted essay I have about all the ways ‘you are brave’ coming from another so often misses the mark. It can only be true when it feels true.
💜 thank you for sharing your inside so we can more deeply know our own 💜
This part - "it can only be true when it feels true"!!! That gave me goosebumps, because YES! That's it exactly. Thank you for being here, Cassidy! Xoxo
Yes, thank you, needed this today. I had a freak out yesterday - I think I'm better now. This helps. ❤️
I’m glad this helps!! Sorry to hear you had a freak out though 🩵🩵 here if you need an ear 🩵🩵🩵
Everything I needed to know I learned from my dogs. Get up, eat breakfast, and hope for today to be the best day ever. Also, if you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.
Sounds like something I heard Robin Williams say once :)
Will Rogers had something similar too.
Mesa,
I hear you. The way you keep going, through every twist, every loss, every moment when stopping might have seemed easier—that’s something real. Not in a performative, look-how-brave kind of way, but in the quiet persistence of choosing life when it would have been just as easy not to. That kind of choice shapes a person.
More than. I know that one. Not as an abstract idea but as a thing that sits deep in the bones. More than what happened. More than what was taken. More than the story written by other hands before we knew we could hold the pen. It doesn’t erase what came before, and it doesn’t soften the edges. It just… is. A truth to stand on.
You don’t need my words to tell you what you already know, so I’ll just say—keep writing. Not because it’s brave or necessary or any of those things people say about storytelling, but because it’s yours.
Jay
Thank you, Jay <3 A million thank yous. Love you <3
Wise and beautiful. Cosmic. Thank you. Let’s keep going! Keep writing. ✍️
Always. Always. Always <3
Always. Always. Always. :)
I needed this today… My “more than” is long and winding not all that different than yours and likely many others too. We are all so similar when we’re not hiding behind our masks aren’t we. It’s why I love Substack and writers like you - because of the openness and vulnerability of the writing. The quote makes me think of my penchant for talking photos looking up… looking up under trees and photographing their very tops, looking up at night sky, always preferring that perspective to looking out toward the horizon. Makes me think it’s a consequence/need because of where I’ve been and where I hope to get to and the hope supporting it all. Thank you for this beautiful heartfelt essay that’s so full of hope too. 💜
Thank you so much for being here, Susan!! I take pictures like that too!! Some of my most favorite photos are from the perspective of sitting under the trees and looking up 💚💚💚
My favorite part about this life is finding all the kindreds 💚
Mesa, awake in the middle of the night with pain - something in my side that aches right along with the heartbreak of the world. Your story feels like aa metaphor for the. Grownups making a mess of things, so careless and reckless and unknowing. And, yet, it sounds like your grandmother loved you. Isn't that also a metaphor? The old wise feminine picks up the pieces, cleans up the shit, loves with all her heart. I hope you knew this love. Thank you for being here.
I’m sorry you’re hurting, Alecia, I hope the pain subsides soon so that you may rest. I can see the metaphors, thank you for reminding me how intricately all of our stories are connected.
And yes, I did know that she loved me. Though she and I butted heads A LOT, underneath all of it, I knew 🩵
Mesa you are a hero. She-ro. Have you seen that clip about Hero’s vs Villains?
Villains POV: the world hurt me, so I’m going to hurt it back.
Hero POV: the world hurt me, and I’m going to make sure that it doesn’t happen to anyone else.
✨ that’s you ✨
You have compassion because you come with lived experience of true pain, in the deepest sense of the word. The kind that can’t be seen by the naked eye.
This is my favorite thing you’ve written.
The quote is so special.
I’ll go star gaze right now.
Sweet dreams 💤
Well, I was not expecting to be a blubbering mess this early in the morning 😭 But here I am with all the tears. Thank you for seeing me as you do, I am so grateful for you.
Love you bigger than the sky 🩵🩵🩵
Higher than the sky & deeper than the sea! 💓
Took the words right out of my head! :) Xoxo
I love this. More than ❤️
Thank you, Seana <3 Xoxo
Ah, thank you for writing this. I adopted two children from foster care, and they likely have some childhood experiences similar to your own. They are also two of the bravest people I know. They just keep going, somehow, some way. I loved reading this!
Thank you for recognizing them in parts of my story. Sending you and them lots of love! Xoxo
Needed this today. Keep going beautiful soul. 🙏💖
I’m so glad it found you, Grace <3 Xoxo
You are most definitely more than! My heart is deeply touched by the words you have shared about your early life, and about how you have survived attempts on your life. Thank goodness for the goodness of others that were there for you, and thank goodness for your strong, beautiful, and courageous spirit. Write on. Many will need your words and your shining spirit in the days to come.
Thank you so much, Sally. We’ve got each other and that’s what I hold onto these days. Words are just the life raft for us. <3 Xoxo
This, Mesa, "Just to listen to the beat of your own More Than drum. Can you hear it?" And the heart wrenching details of your childhood you shared. You did the hot/cold thing so well. You are such a survivor! xoxo
Thank you, Jocelyn! That means so much to me!! Xoxo