Scenes from a Life

Bits & pieces of life 100 words at a time

Amidst the chaos of this life, I keep pulling and poking at the bits and pieces that make up mine. Every time I sit down to write, I never fully know what will arrive. Sometimes music or smells or traveling down a particular road will knock something around in my brain, forcing me to listen. I will have an amorphous gauzy shape that floats around and eventually settles into images that prompt me to let the words fall out…lately, 100 words at a time.

Today, I’m bringing you another amalgam of the 100+ word pieces I’ve been writing near daily (mostly being shared in Notes). Enjoy!

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

Crystal Palace

Listening to Freestyle Hits of the 80s took me right back to Friday skate nights. I put myself inside the rink, every smell flooded my senses.

Drakkar Noir, Obsession, CK One, nachos, popcorn, corn dogs, Baby Soft, Exclamation, Sunflowers, Sun-Moon-Stars, Electric Youth, Designer Imposters, Taco Bell, McDonald’s fries, Pizza Hut, Aquanet, mousse, VO5, White Rain, Vidal Sassoon, Dr. Pepper lip smackers, Cherry smash kissing potion, bubble gum lip balm, double mint gum, polished wood, wheel grease, churros, Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookies, Listerine, Strawberry Hill, wine coolers, Olde English, Zima, MD - grape, Clearly Canadian.

Nostalgia taking me over.

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Scenes from a Life

(a recalled day from the fires)

Driving in the below freezing temps to work this morning, listening to a playlist of my favorite music and I see a notification out of the corner of my eye from my sister (best friend of 36 years). A message briefly summarized by Siri saying she had to evacuate today.

My heart in my throat and tears instantly in my eyes.

I tell Siri to text her that I love her, I’m here whatever she needs, and ask her if she’s alright.

They are safe.

I breathe and then the gravity of all that she and immeasurable others are facing hits my chest.

Belongings packed into whatever could be carried. Everything left behind in hurries. Smoke filled skies, heat filled homes, histories erased. Scenes from every life lived there - gone without a trace.

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California & Sunshine

California is the first home I remember. We lived in a duplex style - two front doors and a shared backyard. We had a tomato garden and in the lone grassy area I was able to have a kiddie pool. We shared the yard with the landlord and his geese who honked and charged me every time I ventured outside. They eventually took over my pool.

But we always had fresh tomatoes.

My second memory of home in California comes from when we lived with my uncle on his property was sprawling. He also boarded our horses. Mine was named Sunshine- stubborn, sassy, and a beautiful chocolate brown with black mane and tail. She wouldn’t let anyone ride her, if you tried, she’d move backwards. With me, she was gentle and I could sit on her back and feed her carrots.

She hated my dad.

Every night, my mom would sing “You Are My Sunshine” to me, it became my favorite song.

Shortly after losing Sunshine, I was sent to live in Las Vegas.

A part of me was left behind in California. A part of me was left with Sunshine.

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Box of Secrets

The cardboard held trace scents of cigarette smoke and Samsara perfume- the smells of my mother. I’d inherited this box on my last trip home. My curiosity finally got the better of me and that’s how I found myself excavating the past buried in the box.

I tentatively pulled out pictures, envelopes, and a manilla folder. The folder slid from my lap and out spilled documents labeled Divorce Decree. Heart thudding, nervous fingers, deep breath - I began reading. Only absorbing bits and pieces as I scanned the pages, looking for the strength of my mother somewhere in the words.

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Unwanted

I was never quite wanted as the whole me. I was molded and shaped by statements and questions. Not enough. Imprinted on my psyche to always be not myself, but whatever someone nearby wanted. Because to be me would mean being outcast. And so I rebelled.

I am constantly breaking out of the boxes that others try to slip over me. I can physically feel it when it happens, my whole body screams NO. I push back. I blaze with fury and those flames turn the box to ash. I will not be ruined by boxes. Suffocated by boxes. Instead, I will surround myself with those who have been shuttered and outcast and deemed not enough because they too refuse their boxes. Because I know this space so well, it’s my home and my home is big enough for all of us.

Bring me your tired, unloved, outcast, and abandoned and I will show you what magnificent humans they truly are. Not to prove their worthiness because they already are, but to show themselves that they are so much more.

Here’s the first compilation in case you missed it last week:

Stephanie Penn.

and

Vickie Fernandez

- thank you for hanging out in the 100 word space with me :)

And thank you dear reader friends for being here. I appreciate your support so very much. Substack shared that there are now 5 MILLION paid subscribers here and I’m so grateful for my 38! Your support has helped me buy groceries and keep the lights going, I can’t thank you enough for believing in me and supporting me. The goal is 62 more to obtain the coveted Bestseller badge, but that’s just ego, I’m grateful always no matter if you pay or stay free! You’re the greatest and I am the luckiest. Xoxo