Listen

The body speaks

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

My body is currently rebelling and my breasts are now supermodels courtesy of all the pictures that have been taken of them so far. I anticipate more are on the way. Next level superstar soon! Really, almost an obsession.

I'm currently in the land of endless waiting. Time doesn't feel like a luxury right now.

Something inside is yelling at me.

I'm listening.

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I don't remember when I decided to stop listening to my body, I believe it was somewhere in my early twenties. Up until then I followed my gut everywhere and when I didn't, I paid the price. So many tolls taken by going against myself.

The body really does keep the score. I feel as though I've been on a never ending carousel of issues, all because I stopped paying attention. Instead, I was paying other people to pay attention to whatever was happening to me. Thousands of dollars, hundreds of hours later and now this moment.

I spoke of a reckoning in my “How to love yourself” post.. and it’s here. The reckoning that is.

I'm listening now, back to hearing when something doesn't feel right and acting on it. It's an interesting experience learning how to listen again, because so many don't want me to. It's less fear inducing if I don't. If I put the blinders and headphones back on, then whatever is happening to me will be less scary. For them.

Me? I can't unsee. I can't unknow. Whatever is happening is showing up in full view and I cannot look away. Even though I want to.

I don't want this. I don't want this fear. The constant nagging, gnawing feeling of something is not right.

And so I am here acknowledging, sitting with the fear and thanking it for stopping by. For alerting me to pay attention and listen again. Not just to my body, but my mind and heart.

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It’s a fine line to straddle and not become overwhelmed. Maybe though, we could let people feel how they're going to feel? Maybe it’s okay for us to feel everything without having to brush it aside. Maybe we could just see it as giving grace and space to another human being.

Maybe we could just listen too.

Thank you dear reader friend for being here. I appreciate you so very much. Take good care of yourself and remember to listen to yourself if you ever find yourself being silenced.