I very much connected with this piece, Mesa. Thank you for sharing how you really are. Lost my dad a couple months ago. I went from despair to noticing so much more. In nature I feel whole, held. I notice the way the trees greet me, the drops of water capturing the light. I also have been riding a roller coaster of anger, grief, joy, contentment, gratitude. Reading your piece I feel seen.
Heidi, sorry for your loss. It is so beautiful how you have been noticing more. This happened to me after losing my 14 yo nephew. I would notice details as if I was looking through his eyes. As if I was observing and appreciating life for the both of us. Because life is so precious. We feel this so deeply when one ends. It is so precious - does it ever really end? Sending love
Love all of this. I would never give up feeling everything for anything. But I do sometimes think that a bit more joy and peace would be nice. When I think this I know that I just have to notice more and better. š
āDo not take me to a funeral because I promise I will make a weird comment and it will be at just the right time that you will laugh when you probably shouldnāt.ā
I wrote an essay years ago about my family + funerals, beginning with me, 8 years old, getting my finger stuck in the steering wheel of my momās car before my great-grandmotherās funeral. I never got the essay right, but I think Iāll dig it out again after reading this. Would love to read one about your weird funeral comments š¤£
I may just have to do that now, Paul! Thanks so much for sharing. Hope your finger was okay.
I remember saying to my mom during my grandmaās viewing that āthey really did a number on grandmaās face - she looks almost less dead.ā My mom giggled and then said āyeah I think youāre kind of right.ā
And then I gave the eulogy and proceeded to tell a story about my grandma and her Richard Simmons tapes, made the church laugh. I call that a small win! āSweatin to the Oldiesā for the actual win.
I love this. My mom and uncle, her baby brother, always somehow get each other laughing, and then they canāt stop because they know they need to stop.
As you know I taught social emotional learning before tbi.
Afterwards my ability to name and speak out loud my emotions is default anymore. I was forced to do such deep profound mirror work I welcome it now, i love my own reflection. Even if itās some sh*t i need to reframe, heal, or learn.
I suspect in some ways, it may be forcing you too as well. šŖš«
I very much connected with this piece, Mesa. Thank you for sharing how you really are. Lost my dad a couple months ago. I went from despair to noticing so much more. In nature I feel whole, held. I notice the way the trees greet me, the drops of water capturing the light. I also have been riding a roller coaster of anger, grief, joy, contentment, gratitude. Reading your piece I feel seen.
Iām so sorry, Heidi. Thank you for sharing with me, riding that roller coaster alongside you! š«š©µ Lots of love your way.
Heidi, sorry for your loss. It is so beautiful how you have been noticing more. This happened to me after losing my 14 yo nephew. I would notice details as if I was looking through his eyes. As if I was observing and appreciating life for the both of us. Because life is so precious. We feel this so deeply when one ends. It is so precious - does it ever really end? Sending love
This is good Mesa. Love the feeling words and "name and say it all out loud ", Thanks for sharing. XO
Love all of this. I would never give up feeling everything for anything. But I do sometimes think that a bit more joy and peace would be nice. When I think this I know that I just have to notice more and better. š
Love the feelings and the spacing in your poem! Makes each emotion really stand out šš
& why is it SO hard to stay hydrated??
Right?!! I donāt know!! I drink like 80 oz of water a day and still it doesnāt feel like enough š¤£š¤£š¤£
Itās never enough!! ššāļøāļøāļø
āDo not take me to a funeral because I promise I will make a weird comment and it will be at just the right time that you will laugh when you probably shouldnāt.ā
I wrote an essay years ago about my family + funerals, beginning with me, 8 years old, getting my finger stuck in the steering wheel of my momās car before my great-grandmotherās funeral. I never got the essay right, but I think Iāll dig it out again after reading this. Would love to read one about your weird funeral comments š¤£
I may just have to do that now, Paul! Thanks so much for sharing. Hope your finger was okay.
I remember saying to my mom during my grandmaās viewing that āthey really did a number on grandmaās face - she looks almost less dead.ā My mom giggled and then said āyeah I think youāre kind of right.ā
And then I gave the eulogy and proceeded to tell a story about my grandma and her Richard Simmons tapes, made the church laugh. I call that a small win! āSweatin to the Oldiesā for the actual win.
I love this. My mom and uncle, her baby brother, always somehow get each other laughing, and then they canāt stop because they know they need to stop.
This arrived at the perfect time. I donāt know whether to laugh or cry, so Iāll probably do both.
Oh friend- I promise to sit with you during both. š©µš©µ
Okay, I'm booking you for the next funeral I go to. ā¤ļø
Yesssssss!!! šš
As you know I taught social emotional learning before tbi.
Afterwards my ability to name and speak out loud my emotions is default anymore. I was forced to do such deep profound mirror work I welcome it now, i love my own reflection. Even if itās some sh*t i need to reframe, heal, or learn.
I suspect in some ways, it may be forcing you too as well. šŖš«
You know it, friend. š«š©µ